![]() ![]() You might even consider talking to a coach, therapist, or other trained professional. Have outlets outside work for socializing and reducing stress. Surround yourself with friends and people who support and encourage you. A strong support network is critical when dealing with an emotionally challenging situation. Exercise, meditate, journal, and do things that you love that remind you of who you are, and what you value, at your core.Īctivate your support network. Engage in as many life affirming activities you can. Focus on reaffirming your value to yourself by reminding yourself that your boss is the dysfunctional one, not you. While that may not seem “nice,” building up your own psychological health is critical to your wellbeing. This might look like feeling sorry for them, finding them pathetic, or even finding their insecurity ridiculous. ![]() View their words and actions as separate from you. It’s also helpful to externalize their behavior instead of ruminating on their manipulative tactics. Imagine you are wearing a golden protective shield that repels your boss’s arrows whenever you feel targeted. Toxic bosses are emotionally poisonous, so do what you can to create distance between your mental health and their abusive behaviors. Doing this will also help you identify if you really are being gaslit. Having a real-time record of your interactions will make it harder for your boss to question your sanity and back pedal on agreements. Be as clear as possible when communicating. Copy other team members on emails when appropriate. Try to have witnesses during meetings and use emails or other written documentation to recap conversations and agreements. Take notes when communicating with your boss and keep a record of your conversations. If you determine it is in fact gaslighting, take the following measures.ĭocument your interactions. Their need to control can stem from myriad of pathologies such as incompetence, insecurity, narcissism, jealousy, or just plain pettiness. In short, they weaken you in order to control you. They insinuate that you are the incompetent one. They project their faults onto others, putting them in a constant mode of defense. They deny things that they said - even in writing. Are you sure your boss isn’t merely a jerk? Or a poor communicator? Or just doesn’t like you or your work product? Gaslighters actively seek to manipulate and control others by making the victim question their own reality and self-worth. Here are some things you can do to survive - until you decide it is time to move on. But in this imperfect and economically challenged world, you might not have the financial freedom to leave (unless you already have a new opportunity lined up). In a perfect world, you could just pack up and go. It’s nearly impossible to thrive with a boss who actively undermines your accomplishments, diminishes your self-esteem, and blocks your opportunities. ![]() ![]() To make matters worse, their manipulative behaviors - while despicable and destructive - often don’t break any specific company policies. It’s often your word against theirs, which makes going to other leaders or HR difficult. They are adept at undermining an employee’s self-esteem, confidence, and sense of reality in subtle, sneaky, and hard-to-prove ways. Gaslighters know how to fly under the radar. While it is easy to spot toxic leaders who scream, bully, and abuse publicly, gaslighting behavior is much more covert. Gaslighting is a particularly nefarious form of toxicity due to its subtle and insidious nature. And make no mistake - bosses who manipulate and gaslight are toxic. Despite spending over $60 billion a year globally on leadership development, research shows that nearly 30% of bosses may be mildly or highly toxic. Sadly, your situation is far more common than it should be. Nobody should suffer at the hands of a toxic boss. We asked Mary Abbajay, author of Managing Up: How to Move Up, Win at Work, and Succeed with Any Type of Bossand president of Careerstone Group, LLC, to respond. In other words, how do you work for a manipulative boss who is constantly gaslighting you? How do you navigate working for a toxic leader when you can see the direct impact of their behavior on your career? For example, if you work under a leader who is going out of their way to make sure you don’t develop the skills or experience you need to apply for a more senior role a leader who takes credit for your ideas and hides information or a leader who is an expert manipulator, uses reverse psychology to make you feel small and is unapologetic (unless they are in public)? ![]()
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